Feedback is one of those things we don’t typically seek out and often dread. Though what if you learned to ask for feedback that can genuinely be constructive? And what if you gave feedback that others appreciate hearing, good or bad?
Whether you are an established or aspiring leader, feedback is one of the most powerful tools you have for developing yourself and others.
Feedback Gone Wrong: What Not to Do
After giving a talk to a group of successful professional women, I shared that speaking was a new endeavour for me and that I’d welcome any feedback.
Seconds later, a tall woman with a heavy German accent approached me and introduced herself as a professional speaker. I was excited and felt this was a great opportunity to learn from an expert!
However, her feedback focused more on my style and less on my message.
She told me I lacked professionalism because I stepped out from behind the podium and leaned against a table while sharing a story. In her view, a “professional” speaker would never do that.
At first, I felt defensive. Then I realized: this was her style and way of presenting, not mine. She didn’t share how to improve techniques by using stronger inflection, including more details, or better pacing. Instead, she told me what she wouldn’t have done.
In fairness, I had asked for feedback, though I wasn’t clear about the specific kind of feedback I wanted. In the end, I thanked her and learned an important lesson: If I don’t define the type of feedback I am looking for, I’ll get what others choose to give.
Feedback That Inspires
Feedback is one of the greatest growth opportunities. While positive comments feel good, it’s the “and better” feedback that helps us stretch and improve.
The problem is that when you ask general questions like, “How did I do?” it invites general answers. Likewise, delivering vague feedback such as “You need to do better” doesn’t help anyone understand how to improve.
A leader once came to me because her boss told her she wasn’t delivering results and needed to “get better or else.” What that meant wasn’t clear, or did she feel confident enough in that moment to ask questions.
She reached out to meet. I asked her to walk me through the client meeting that sparked this comment. I quickly identified practical changes she could make immediately to inspire confidence when dealing with others, particularly her clients.
She needed to maintain eye contact, stop fidgeting with her hands, and eliminate the upward inflection that made her sound uncertain.
Her boss told her to “change.”
I shared specifics on how to change.
Specific feedback is actionable and inspires, creating clarity and growth.
It’s All in the Delivery
The way we deliver feedback matters as much as the content itself. Feedback shared from frustration can sound like criticism and trigger defensiveness. The key is to focus on the behaviour, not the person.
One tool I learned from Jack Canfield is to reframe feedback from “what didn’t work” to “what would work better.” That simple shift makes feedback easier to hear and provides what they can apply immediately to improve.
Five Keys to Feedback That Inspires Growth
1. Be specific. When asking for feedback, pinpoint details that matter to you. For example, don’t simply ask, “How did I come across?” Instead, ask, “Did I appear confident and clear when I presented my idea?”
2. Choose the right people. Seek feedback from people whose opinions you respect and model success.
3. Focus on improvement, not imitation. Give feedback that helps someone enhance their strengths, not copy your style.
4. Lead with care, not judgment. Your tone shapes how your feedback is received.
5. Be ready to listen. If you ask for feedback, resist the urge to defend. Listen, reflect, decide what to apply and express appreciation.
Feedback, done right, creates growth for both the giver and the receiver.
Ask Yourself:
- What’s your style when giving feedback?
- What kind of feedback do you need to grow and expand as a leader?
- Who will you ask to help you play bigger?
Feedback is a gift.
The best leaders don’t wait to receive it; they ask for it, apply it, and pay it forward.
Final Thought
I’ve learned that every piece of feedback, no matter how it’s delivered, holds value. When shifting from fearing feedback to inviting it, we change our confidence, our impact, and the growth of those around us.
That’s how we create teams and cultures where everyone thrives. You’ve got this!
Ready to Elevate Your Leadership?
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Book a complimentary 30-minute consultation to explore how coaching can help you step into your full potential. Email today to get started!
