Have you ever avoided having a tough conversation because of a negative experience that left you feeling humiliated? If so, you’re not alone.
One of my coaching clients recently opened up about her struggle to address an employee’s performance issues. She kept putting off the conversation, and when we dug into why, she revealed a deeply personal story.
The Story That Held Her Back
Six years ago, she was on the receiving end of a performance discussion that went horribly wrong. She was blamed for a project that missed several key metrics, which left her feeling inadequate and ashamed.
As she shared the story, her emotions were still raw—even after six years. That experience stayed with her and continued to affect her ability to handle difficult conversations, professionally and personally.
The good news is that we don’t have to stay stuck in the grip of old emotions from a past experience. Our coaching gave her a safe space to process those old emotions, shift her perspective and change how she now approaches challenging interactions.
Warning! None of us are immune from being emotionally charged by past experiences. Good to know; it’s curable!
The Turning Point
Through reflection and intentional reframing, my client discovered a powerful truth:
We can’t control what happens to us in the past or how someone chooses to treat us, but we can control how we respond to disappointments and treat others.
Here’s what she learned:
- Respect over blame: She realized she could hold employees accountable without making them feel inadequate. As well as taking the time to discuss how to improve.
- Focus on the issue, not the person: Conversations should be about identifying what went wrong and how to improve, not assigning blame.
- Resolve emotions first, have the conversation second: She committed to processing her emotions independently before engaging in challenging conversations. This ensures her message is clear and constructive.
Steps to Reframe and Let Go
If you’ve ever been triggered or felt held back by past experiences, here’s how you can move forward:
- Increase Self Awareness
When old emotions from a past experience get triggered by a current experience, pause, take a breath, and reset before engaging. Awareness is the first step in releasing their hold on you. - Stay Solution Focused
Before having a tough conversation, focus on the issue (not the person) and prepare to discuss solutions rather than assigning blame. - Be Intentional
Ask yourself: How do I want to show up in this moment, mentally and emotionally? Commit to creating an experience that reflects your values and leaves others feeling respected.
A New Confidence
For my client, these steps were transformative. The framework empowered her to confidently approach the conversation with her employee and a particular family member. 😉
Your turn: What holds you back from having a tough conversation? What will you do differently next time you face a difficult conversation?
Reminder: How you show up in each moment is a reflection of you. Create experiences that support you in how you want to be known and allow others to feel good about what comes next.
Ready to Elevate Your Leadership?
At Authentic Leaders Edge, we help professionals like you develop a powerful leadership presence. Whether you’re leading a team or defining your personal brand, Dorothy Lazovik provides tailored coaching to accelerate your growth.
Book a complimentary 30-minute consultation to explore how coaching can help you step into your full potential. Email today to get started!
